Kayu Nasi Kandar

15 October 2008

Went to my brother’s place today, to pass some documents to him. Later st sms-ed my and said he wants to see me and asked me to accompany him for dinner. I agreed, we meet up at kota damansara nearby my brother’s place. Parked my car and went into his and had his dinner at Kayu Nasi Kandar. After that, as expected.. spend our time chatting and chat and chat and chat.

Resignation

10 October 2008

Give rh my resignation letter yesterday, and today I had exit interview with him. Spent almost 3 hours chatting with him. It was almost 9pm when we left the office. I told st about the resignation – he did ask me have I found a job. I answered ‘u ask me to quit.. so I quit!’ =P well actually.. that’ s the main reason I’m leaving. Terasa punya pasal!

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12 October 2008

It’s been a week since our last meeting. So I tried to be as nice as I could. He did most of the talking – coz I was thinking how and when should I break the news. We went to Bora Ombak in Ampang for dinner, after we finished the meal we stayed for a while for a drink before we head back.

Just before we leave – I told him there’s something I need to tell. Took a deep breath and………… he was stunned – he stood up and told me that he’s ready to leave. While driving back, he just kept quiet. No word from him until I ask him whether he’s ok.

He held my hand for the very 1st time and I just let it be. He didn’t say much – but he respect my decision. Just before he left – he kissed me on my cheek (also for the 1st time) I wasn’t mad for what he did – cause I knew I crushed the heart with the news and I just didn’t have the heart to drag him deeper. Well you know, after what he gone through with his wife and my family. In short, he did almost everything just to win my heart. I would feel the same if I were in his shoes. But like I said, I think this is best for both of us – be apart from each other. If he’s really another half of me, I will be with him one day – no matter what and this is what I believe.

My Decision

06 October 2008

I decided to leave everything behind – starting a new life – everything new in Dubai! I already text my cousin and that’s it! People may say that I’m leaving because of st – yes you are rite people! You are rite! He made it clear that he chose her instead of me. So I guess, it better for me to back off. As I said earlier, there were things that I could not take it! He was asking me to give him time so settle his stuff. But I just couldn’t see it! Action speaks louder than words! Its hard for me to leave him – but I have too. For my own good and his as well. InsyaAllah! Keeping my fingers crossed!

Leaving to Dubai means I’m leaving everything behind. My family, my friends, my job, dd and top of all – my parents! Question now is.. Am I willing to? ??? Like it or not.. I have too..

** I’m wondering when am I going to break the news to my family and st?

Raya : Before and After

25 September 2008

This going to be my 1st time raya only with my siblings. As all of us planned to gather at my sister’s place instead of my mum. Now talking about cuti raya – years back since after my dad passed away, 2days off of public holiday is enough for me. But this year, it will be different! Half day on raya eve and another day off to spend with him (I guess I will refer him as st (sweet talker) – initially wanted to refer him as cd – tapi mcm sama pulak ngan ca aka sengal – so better for me to change =P) I really hope things will workout as both of us planned!

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28 September 2008

Meet up with st as planned – he took me to one utama. Spend most of the time sitting down and chat. Here the part where my mood was flushed down! He told me about his wife – ok that’s fine with me.. but he was telling me that.. ‘dia nangis’ ahakz!!!! That was it!! At that time, that moment I felt like.. God how selfish am I! Spending my time with him – sedangkan orang lain sibuk duduk rumah spend time with their family. Gosh! How bad I was! So my mood started to change – felt like crying! A drop or two came out – tapi control beb control tak kan nak tunjuk depan dia pulak.

He did all the talking while me sat beside him watching people – I don’t even listen to what he was talking. my mind was too busy thinking that how bad I was – going out with him – almost raya – I really pity his wife – not getting the attention from him. It was not much about his wife, but his children. If were one of his – sure frust giler!

After buka puasa – went to get the phone he wanted. After looking a few models, finally he got one. Design was pretty cool! It was ok la – not bad! Then we went of to jusco kepong for coffee. Again my mind was thinking about what he told me earlier. At the same time, I feel bad doing this to him. Only God knows how I really feel! Hish jiwa kacau betul! Rasa macam budak bodoh pun ada gak!

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29 September 2008

It’s finished! That’s it! The end of me and him! Not going to elaborate on this – but a bit terasa when he said that I make use of him! Me make use of him? Hmm celah mana tuh?? Only he got the answers!

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30 September 2008

So no more good morning sms-es. Called st – but he was telling me he’s busy. That nite I was crying like hell! Crying all out! My nieces and nephews were wondering what happened to me. My answer was ‘sakit mata’ Hahaha! Just one person that I wanted to speak too. It was sengal! Can u believe that!!!??? Best part, I spoke to him. Mengong! Jiwa kacau betul! Nih la betul org cakap ‘dah ludah jilat balik’. One thing good about him – within seconds he already knew something wrong with me.

After talking him – I was thinking what really happen to me? I’m being so confused seems like I’m totally out of control myself. Dah nak gila kot! Could be =P

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01 October 2008

It’s raya – same old raya – I text everyone in my phone list wishing them Selamat Hari Raya. Now why the hell I did that? Waduh aku sendiri nggak ngerti dehh! Went to my parents place in the afternoon – then off to my uncle’s place. The moment he saw my bro – he hugged them and started to cried on their shoulders. Maybe he was thinking about my late aunty and mother. This year he couldn’t make it to my aunty’s place – and as for my mum – he didn’t got the change to visit my mother when she was in the hospital and he also didn’t got the chance to pay his last respect on the day my mother left us. Late afternoon, went to pick ita – and together we went to azely’s place and finally to naz’s – so that was my raya!

st did sms me – I guess we miss each other badly and we just couldn’t afford to loose each other. So the thing continues as usual. It made me think – how stupid I was to let him go! He’s a nice guy! He showed his sincerity on top of all.. he can really accept me for who I am. Like what I told naz and sengal – dd is a combination of weird and idiot! And most importantly – he something like my dad. He’s almost perfect for me – I always dream of to get someone like my father. And now he’s just right in front of me and I just couldn’t see it! Yes babe.. I’m a fool!!

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03 October 2008

Plan cancelled! Just staying at home doing nothing! Buhsannn nak mampos!!

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04 October 2008

Me, st and naz were supposed to meet up and go for a show – but guess what happened?? The wife wants to see me!

Wife?? Amenda wife tuh??

Wife tu isteri.. isteri tuh pulak BINI!!

Bini dia nak jumpa.. gosh I feel like killing myself – but hey.. alahhh.. jumpa jelah.. chatted with dds daughter in phone.. named her sweetie. Ok kan.. bapak sweet talker anak sweetie.. bini?? Sweet n sour kot =P

My comments about :-

~ sweetie ~ she’s nice.. she’s pampered.. she sounds sweet.. very very concern about her dad. At least she got brains not like her mother. LOL!

~ his wife ~ Indescribable! Did asked her few things – tapi lain aku tanya lain dia jawab. Camno tuh?? She made few stupid statements! Not to be mentioned here lah!

~ st ~ I just could not accept few statements from him. Terasa giler! I just couldn’t take it!

So.. will I or should I gave him the chance? Should I? Or I should not? =(

Puasa

20 September 2008

This is my 1st time fasting without my mum – Sad? Yeah sure do feel sad but this is life. People come and go! That is something I must accept! No matter how hard it is. I have too! I just had my family gathering last week. Thanks to my 2nd bro and his wife – they initiated to organize the buka puasa for all of us. It’s was Isha’s birthday as well and the best part was… they invited him as well. He came over – and thanks to him for his presence! Really really appreciate it!

Talking about him, this kinda like ‘mengadap’ session actually. At first it went very well, he chatted with my bro. Mens’ talk I guess! But.. later.. when I said we got to make a move. There you go! My sis started 1st, 2nd my sis in law.. then my eldest bro.. bak kata orang. – lepas beliau.. beliau – Yang belia duduk ngan penuh ayu, sopan, tertib and yang semua yang baik-baik belaka lah (memula jelah.. bila agak-agak letih duduk mcm pompuan melayu terakhir.. I just be me =P) dok tengok depa nih dok soal macam polis pencen pun ada.. yang cakap macam ustazah pun ada.. yang cakap macam pakar motivasi pun ada dan yang paling best ada pulak yang buat pengakuan jujur dari hati ke hati pun ada. Talking about polis pencen.. I guess it runs in the blood! Hahaha! After almost an hour – bila semua dah tak tau nak cakap apa lagi. Both of us cabut laaa.. tunggu apa lagi. He was supposed to meet up with his friend but surprisingly he wants to chat with me. So we went to gem lepak at Starbucks.

~ My opinion on this ‘mengadap’ session?? Its a crap! Merepek! Merapu! –me- apa-apa lagi lah!! Well maybe my siblings was to worried just because he is someone’s husband or in other words ‘laki orang’ plus I had a bad experience with my ex – also laki orang. So maybe, they are too worried if the same thing happens again! One of the thing my siblings requested – to meet up with his wife!! The purpose..? I don’t have a clue!

I was thinking what if my parents are still around. Would it the same as what my siblings did? If my mother, I would say maybe. But if my father is still around things will be totally different! No matter what, he will still treat and speak to him nicely, gently – he knows how to deal with it – just like how he treated my ex. And if he is still around I bet he will like him more than my ex. Both of them are quite alike actually. They just like to talk.. talking about experiences and etc.. making jokes.. and topic paling hangat and yang paling tak jemu nak ulang 100 kali pun.. FISHING! Silap-silap my dad yang sibuk ajak dia fishing. =D How I wish he is still around!

Last week went for buka quite numbers of people –
With al and mek.. Bleh kata mcm program jejak kasih jugak la. The last time I met al was in year 2000 and mek was 1999. Both of them was just like before – mengong mcm dulu gak! We spent hours just sitting down to exchange stories, reminiscing the old good times we shared together, talking about others (that’s normal =P) we were busy talking until did notice it was almost midnite. I offered myself to sent them back home.

With naz, fs, fn (fs boyfren) and him (just couldn’t find a nick name for him yet – yeah.. I’m still thinking guys.. I am) It was fs birthday actually – so we went to chilis to celebrate. Bought her a small cute balloon and nothing much actually – so that was it!